This has caused a wide range of uproar in society through the ages and years that mankind had since developed into societal groups. Different opinions and perspectives lead to distinct beliefs and extreme ideologies. Some religions and cultures have their diverse views on the issue and apparently, some individuals have their independent beliefs on the matter. Some just simply stay neutral and don’t even know what is right and wrong! Everything is just mixed up and confusing, it’s in some way a paralytic matter where nobody has a dominant view on the issue and everyone is trying to air their views. Sex is indeed a very sensitive topic to discuss, let alone sex before marriage. However, in this article, I will be delving deep down into how different people view the matter and you will hear real-life responses to the matter from the survey I conducted. It's finally time we discussed this matter head-on! Is sex before marriage ethical or not? And what are the cultural and societal repercussions as well? What do different cultures and societies have to say? All these questions and your lingering curiosities will soon be abated right now as we finally answer the long-debated question of which one is better: "pre-marital or abstinence?"
First things first, what exactly is sex? What can we exactly define sex to be, is it just physical intimacy or does it run deeper than that. Some feel that anything so much as similar to orgasm can be regarded as sex, or even self-pleasure, etc. Some feel that even kissing can be regarded as a sexual act and is thus part of sex. So, in reality, there is no specific or universally agreed definition of sex. Although, some point out a clear distinction between what sex is and a sexual act or activity. For some, a sexual act has a kind of sexuality to it but it isn't sex per se as sex runs deeper than that, sex is binding and it is on a more serious note. Sex can be intercourse but a mere sexual act isn't it. Thus, something like kissing cannot be regarded as sex. However, we should note that some people don't even create a distinction as well as other religions or customs. Anything sexual in nature is still in the category of sex as every sexual act is still derived from sex, no matter what kind it is still categorized as sex. One may say it is used to eliminate any sense of security that no one will kiss and feel that they are not indulging in anything deep. As said earlier sex is sensitive not only in the fact that it is a bit cringe to talk about lol but because it is very difficult to explain. No matter how we approach the topic there just seems to be some complexity surrounding it. Therefore, for this context, we will simply describe sex to be the bonding experience between a set of people in a physical manner. Some of you that are reading this text is already thinking, "bonding?" what is so bonding about sex?
There is an expansive diversity of opinions that exist in the area of religion about the matter, and one of the most pronounced ones is Christianity. Christianity is a religion that all its values and beliefs are all-encompassing and in concordance with the Bible. The Bible is regarded highly in the religion because it is said to contain God's own very Words that were spoken to His people-His followers and those that believe in Him. Therefore, anything that the Bible declares is absolute and cannot be disputed as long as you are a follower of the religion and its beliefs. It is specifically said in Corinthians that a man should get a woman for himself and for every woman, a man for herself to avoid any sexual immorality. And even in the creation story, before Adam and Eve could start begetting children, God himself had to join them in unity, i.e. he had to marry them as, if He didn’t do it He would contradict His Word. Therefore, biblically pre-marital sex is severely frowned upon. It is regarded as a "taboo" in the religion. In this perspective, it is believed and known that sex within marriage is the only form of sexual relations that God approves. Therefore, no matter how one would approach the matter a staunch Christian believer would and will always frown on it. Myself, I am a Christian and even though I always try to consider things from a different perspective I have been ingrained into this lifestyle from birth and I’ve been taught countless times that pre-marital is a terrible thing to do and even though I read extensively on the topic and have seen and heard several divergent views, I do still believe that it is the wrong thing to do. That was what I was taught to believe and I have stayed with that belief up till now. It does help me as if I would be tempted to anything that goes against what I now don’t approve of, I will steer clear of it. So, it can also be more of a ‘nurture’ perspective than ‘nature’. Many were led to believe that it is bad, not like they were born and they say it’s bad. Who knows what I would have thought if I was in another religion that doesn’t take these issues seriously or maybe an Atheist or Agnostic. In other religions such as Hinduism, pre-marital sex is not entirely disapproved. However, it is encouraged and advised that one should be married first or the couple should have consent. So that it is recognized that it is out of pure self-volition that one would make the decision. However, just like in Christianity, it is very much frowned upon in Islam. It is in some way a rule that one should be married first before they even dare engage in any sexual relations. This holds a lot of prominence in the followers' lives, especially for females. This can be accurately exemplified in the wearing of "Hijabs". These are long coats that cover a girl's or lady's face. It signifies that the girl is still pure and is not ready to be exposed or lose her purity. It is also considered a taboo that one would engage in so much as sexual acts before marriage. Marriage is seen as a condition in some way for one to involve in sex.
What about cultures? Western culture is now at the forefront in advocating for pre-marital sex and they feel that an individual should have the right to choose when they are ready to get themselves involved in sexual activities. According to statistics from Statista recorded in 2013, there was an observation of a higher acceptance of pre-marital sex among the western cultures. Meanwhile, in Asian or Mediterranean countries, there is a high rejection of the act and in some cultures, it is considered taboo. In western cultures such as in France or Spain, there is a high acceptance of the view and some don't even consider it an ethical or moral concern or issue. They advocate for a sense of freedom as to when one should engage in it. Furthermore, they feel that when the person comes of age, he or she should have sexual freedom and not be restricted by anything including marriage. According to Statista as said earlier, in a survey carried out in 2013, in France about 6% found pre-marital unacceptable while 47% found it acceptable and not a moral issue. In Germany, 6% found it unacceptable while a whole 57% found it acceptable. In the US, 30% found it unacceptable, 29% found it acceptable while 36% found it as not a moral issue. Therefore, from the statistics above, it is conventional to say that pre-marital acceptability is predominantly found in European countries while in America, it is more of a constant debate and there is no dominance in the subject. Although, the majority believed that it is not a moral issue as thus, it is not something to be debated on. In contrast, Asian cultures have very negative feelings about the matter. They extremely frown on it, at least most of them. The Indian culture serves as an excellent example of this. In countries like India, any form of public display of sexuality, even if it is kissing can endanger an individual or even spark an uproar or violence. Such acts are considered immoral in Indian society. Now, imagine sex before marriage! It is considered like in some countries a taboo. It is very much disapproved of in their culture, although several youths are trying to fight for a sense of dynamism in their culture. Complaining that such rigidity is not appreciated. Even though this seems like a noble cause for most, rigid conservative movements and supporters of this movement have a stark contradiction to this view or new way of thinking. Chandra Prakash, the president of Akhil Bhara Hindu Mahasabha-one of the oldest national political parties in India that supports the conservationist view said in an interview:
“…people say it’s a way to express love. Love isn’t something you need to express this way. If you are truly in love, then get married first. The problem will be solved. But these physical relations in the name of love are a problem.”
He expressed his dislike of the view on pre-marital sex. He openly said that it is not good that if one would be having sex before marriage it cannot be categorized as "love". He believes that if somebody is truly in love, they would first start marriage arrangements and then marry, that is true love according to him. He believed that pre-marital sex brings about a host of several problems that are not easy to handle. The good thing as he later pointed out is that all these problems that arise from pre-marital can simply be solved by marrying first. In India, this act is seriously frowned on, and, despite how much youths seem to dislike it, it still holds solid ground due to the rigid nature of India's culture. In West African cultures like in Nigeria, things are really strict in a cultural sense just like India. In similarity, Nigeria is seriously against pre-marital sex. This is not just culture in the sense but individual views as well. According to Statista, 77% view pre-marital as unacceptable and 6% accept it and also in Ghana as well, things get even worse as 86% find it unacceptable while 6% find it acceptable. In Asian cultures where it is very much “disgusted” (if I may use that word), we have Indonesia with an even more shocking 97% unacceptability and a 1% acceptance rate. So, we could say through these facts that pre-marital unlike in Western cultures have no place in Asian or West African cultures. Especially Asian cultures. And it is a common trait that some people in other cultures frown upon the existence and possibilities of this in other cultures. In some way when witnessed by some other individual, they experience a 'culture shock'. What we are made to believe or what we have constantly believed is that when we talk about pre-marital sex, it links to not only prostitution but teenagers. This is indeed true that most cases of pre-marital sex are linked to prostitution and teenage mishaps but in some of these cases, pre-marital sex is out of consent. In some countries, the age of consent ranges from 16-to 17, and in some cases, it's even 15. Thus, we could say that pre-marital sex is not really as though a rape or prostitution problem but a sense of ethical dilemma within teenagers. When encountered with a first-hand opportunity to have sex, teenagers have an exponential amount of hormones that drive the feeling of needing to experience due to the effects of puberty and adolescence. The truth is that some of these teenagers did have an ethical struggle on whether to or not to do it. And of course, they gave in. Therefore, we can say that pre-marital sex for the teenage category was more of an ethical decision to make, Yes, it was out of consent but was it right to do it? Even though we have these to defend premarital sex as a whole, like Chandra Prakash said, pre-marital hosts a lot of problems especially among teenagers because they do not have the emotional fortitude to handle such immense feelings. Also, there is a risk of STDs. If we are to track most of the cases of STDs, the main causes are pre and extra-marital sexual actions. Thus, Chandra simply said that if we can just marry all these problems would be solved. Pre-marital is on impulse while marital is by planning. Therefore, when married one can do tests and so on to make sure they are compatible and also to evaluate the safeness of it. Even though it's a possibility that all these precautions that I've mentioned above were followed before the coupled engaged in sex before marriage, statistically, according to WebMD Archives, those who waited to have sex before marriage rated sexual quality 15% higher than those who didn’t. Not only that, but they also rated relationship stability as high as 22% higher than those who didn’t and rated satisfaction with relationship 20% higher as well. Some people believe that having sex before marriage is to test compatibility but data conflicts this as those who waited had a better relationship.
Having sex before marriage is not conducive as it makes sex the centre of the relationship. This is bad as sex, in reality, is a shaky foundation to lie one's relationship on. In fact, according to different studies, it has been concluded that early sex gives a false sense of security that makes a couple believe that they are closer than they actually are. Sex before marriage is risky as unlike those who had sex after marriage, they cut short their courtship period and this increases the risks of divorce by more than 5%. Sex is delicate and should be left for after marriage as sex is a bonding experience. Scientifically, Vasopressin in males and Oxytocin in females are released when having sex. This gives a sense of a bonding sensation where a part of one goes on to the other and vice versa. It’s a kind of experience where one part of somebody is enjoined on another so, it’s not something to be taken lightly and considering that pre-marital sex has a high divorce rate it can lead to another relationship where of course one would have sex, therefore the bonding process gets done multiple times until in some unfortunate cases, the person is left ‘empty’. And when the person gets involved in the act unintended, they end up considering and even indulging in abortion. People in other cultures that reject it (pre-marital sex) ends up facing the risk of disownment and psychological trauma in turn. Youths in Asian countries such as India and Indonesia face this daily as well as West African countries like Nigeria and Ghana. Some people feel neutral about the topic while some like teenagers fight against it (cultural unacceptability of pre-marital sex). Some argue that pre-marital is terrible as it is not done in a “secure environment”-marriage that is. Environmental influence also plays a pivotal role as if one is born in a society that accepts it, he or she will have views that encourage it while in contrast if one is raised in a society that is against it, one might have hate for it. Simply put, many people's view on the topic is based on religion and cultural judgement and feelings. And many arguments that fight against it are based on Christian and in some times Muslim beliefs. However, from a purely scientific and objective stance, we can comfortably say that it is arguably better to have sex after marriage not only from an ethical or religious perspective but a scientific perspective. Marriage is like the passageway for a bonding exercise like sex to take place and more so, it is done in a secure environment. Risks of STDs and cultural and societal backlash are avoided and there is generally more happiness within the relationship. From statistics, we can see that there is undeniably more comfort and strength in a relationship when an individual decided to be patient and wait till after marriage. Therefore, it is most rational to abstain from sex till marriage as it yields excellent results from an ethical, cultural, societal and scientific perspective.
What do you feel about the matter? Let your words speak for you and write your comments in the comment section below. Can’t wait to see your thoughts!
References:
WebMD: Benefits of Delaying Sex Until Marriage
thewellclinic: The Science of Sex Before Marriage (https://mywellclinic.com/blog/2020/02/20/science-sex-marriage/)
Got Questions: What does the Bible say about sex before marriage? (https://www.gotquestions.org/sex-before-marriage.html)
Statista: Global views on premarital sex 2013 (https://www.statista.com/statistics/297288/global-views-on-premarital-sex/)
Should You Have Sex Before Marriage? Can They Agree? | Middle Ground (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gKXfk-mADK0)
Why India’s Youth Are Dating In Secret
N/B: Please be sure to know that the overall conclusion of the essay was reached via analytical thought, deduction and rationality based on the overall standing of cultural, ethical, scientific and statistical evidence and comparisons.
Wow, great write up🤝